Change Can Be a Good Thing

I had this thought about marriage today.  It came to me because a woman I know and her husband are divorcing.  I am typically shocked by anyone announcing to me that they are divorcing even though I have been through a divorce myself.  That's probably the reason that it shocks me, because I understand the thought that goes into making that decision, especially when there are children involved.  It's never made lightly, it's thoroughly thought out and usually is made with a heavy heart.  My thought was this; in marriages you grow, change, and sometimes discover a new version of yourself because life takes you in many different directions.  It's when your partner doesn't want to grow or change with you that the problem arises.  I believe that if you refuse to accept change for whatever reason, you can lose a person that leaves you behind.  Life is this never ending obstacle course.  I mean just when you thought things were smooth sailing, something comes along and you start jumping and climbing and fighting your way up, all over again.

There is one thing I've learned about being married.  You never end up with the person you started out with and you aren't the person you started out either.  If you don't grow together there is no other way but to grow apart.  So many things get in the way of staying on the same path.  Children make it difficult to find time to just be together.  Work and worries over finances cause stresses that make a person just want to isolate themselves to recover or drown in their choice of addictions to escape.  I've done it, my husband has done it, we've all done it and we all know the reasons why.  But at the end of the day if you can look at your spouse and still know them and like them, even if they are different than the person you started your journey with, you are doing okay.

I feel really awful for this woman I know because they seemed to be one of those "for the long haul" types and when you see those types splitting up, it makes you take a step back and really look at what you've got, to make sure you aren't missing some big sign that things are going wrong.  We are okay right now but it's a valuable lesson in not taking what you have for granted and allowing freedom of growth and self exploration in your relationship.

One last thing that came to mind.  You have to be honest with yourself and your spouse in a marriage.  If you just cannot be what they need or they are no longer what you need, why drag out a miserable relationship together if you would be happier apart?  I have seen that before as well and that's just as sad as a divorce.  People staying together because they think they must or because of the children isn't doing anyone any favors.  The fermentation of the relationship is obvious and if others can see it, imagine how the kids feel living in it day after day.  I'd be the last person to say divorce is the way to go but sometimes it truly works out better for everyone.

Good vibes, long lives, happy thoughts, and well being all around...